atomic mama

I haven’t posted since we got Lina because I just don’t know how to describe the experience of becoming her mother.

What I can say is this: I am blown away by how natural it feels to take care of this child. All my senses are effortlessly tuned into her. We’re still figuring out some of the details, but the fundamental stuff is seamless. The first night we had her she cried once during the night, and I went to her to comfort her. As I picked up her little body in my still-half-asleep state, I found myself thinking… didn’t something amazing happen yesterday? What was it? It took a few moments for it all to click: I have Lina, she’s in my arms, I’m comforting her in the middle of the night. The weirdest part was that taking care of her at that moment did not feel new to me at all.

Did I really just meet this child? Wasn’t the world quiet and cold without her?

I’ll probably never wrap my head around it, and that’s okay.

Drawing on the experience of others, I knew that my world would be rocked by this child. I still underestimated it. I had no idea that the shift would be that sudden, that powerful, or that easy. She is mine, I am hers. The world is changed.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 15th, 2005 at 00:41 and is filed under stephanie. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.