Dear Lina
I thought that I could start writing to you, though I know that you won’t be able to read for at least another year. So here we go.
How are you? I am fine.
This is how your Aunt Tuttie used to start every letter when she was little. Actually, she may still start them like this. I’m not really sure.
Aunt Tuttie is my Very Fabulous Sister. She will change many of your poopy diapers in the future. I got to practice this skill on her kids, but it’s been a while, so don’t expect me to be an expert or anything. Speaking of my family, there’s something we should probably get out on the table right now: they are a bunch of lunatics. I apologize for this in advance. There was nothing I could do about it, either. You can take solace in the fact that your Papa’s family is rather normal. However, it is highly likely that you will be spending more time with the aforementioned lunatics on my side of things, for reasons related to the spacetime continuum. One thing’s for sure, though; they will love you boundlessly. They will also try to make you as crazy and confused as they are, so be warned. I deal with this by doing yoga and drinking vodka, usually in that order.
Everything here at the ranch has been very focused on you since we learned about you! Mama and Papa are so thrilled. We even finally got off our sorry asses and made a family website just to show you off to the world. (Note that the “we” that made the website is the same “we” that mows the lawn, lifts heavy boxes, catches spiders, handles all barbeque-related tasks, cuts his own hair, and knows his way around anything that carries current. Your father is a genius. And he’s a hottie. Mama really scored, sweetie!) We (this time I really mean WE) have been working on your nursery, which I was proud of until I showed it to someone yesterday who said, “So you haven’t really started, huh?”
Yes, actually, we have started. It’s not like the crib and dresser are holograms, lady.
I didn’t actually say that to her. Mama tries to be polite and not use her out-loud voice for the snappy retorts that pop into her head. Instead she just smiles and acts like everything is fine (useful skill learned from lunatic family mentioned above). And anyway, I think your nursery is very sweet. I’m sure that you are whip-smart, and will appreciate the subtleties that arise when not following a nursery decor theme. It seems to me that seeing dragonflies everywhere you look isn’t the most stimulating thing in the world. Plus, in this family, you pretty much have to be ready for anything.
I wish I knew when we were coming to bring you home. Will it be October or November? Will we be with you on Halloween? If so, I have my eye on a bumblebee costume that I think will be just the ticket. Maybe I’ll get it anyway, because when you’re a baby you can get away with wearing things like a bumblebee costume when it’s not Halloween. Once you’re grown up, you can go to jail for things like that.
No matter what, I can’t wait to see you and pick you up and hold you and call you mine. Mine for always, little bumblebee baby.